Facebook Faux Pas: Part I

Ever log onto facebook, read statuses, and want to respond (unkindly)?  Well, I do.  So, I'm starting a segment where I post some interesting facebook statuses I have come across and my response to them. 

Just a note:  You may not be able to tell from my posts, but I am kind of into correct grammar and spelling.  So, some of the things I post will be due to grammatical errors.  Also, if you take the time to alternate between upper and lower case for each letter of a word (Example:  sTuPid) I want to hit you.  Nothing personal, it just bugs me. 

Facebook status:  We go to school all day and do work, then we come home and do more work?! Thats jank. Give us a break!!
My thoughts:  You just had a break.  It was called summer and it lasted for about 3 months.  If you think this is bad, then you're not going to like the real world.

Facebook status:  If anyone knows of anywhere hiring, id be greatful :)
My thoughts:  Really? Because I thought you'd be grateful.

Facebook status:  my 0 jeans are fitting loose :)
My thoughts:  No one wants to hear about that.  No one.  Also, shouldn't it be fitting loosely?

The Skating Rink: A Parental Advisory

Last weekend my S.S. class had plans to go out to eat and then galactic (black light) bowling.  Our dinner took longer than expected (who knew dinner for 21 could be a little lengthy) and we arrived at the bowling alley to find out that there weren't enough available lanes.  If we wanted to bowl we would have to come back at 11 (yes,  that is p.m.). 

So, we decided to visit a nearby skating rink instead.  I'm not sure how long it's been since you've visited a skating rink, but they are probably pretty much just like you remember.  They could use some cleaning.  During my youth, I did most of my skating (actually rollerblading) on my grandparents' paved driveway.  I did visit a skating rink on several occasions, but my parents never used it as a night-time daycare, which is what the establishment I visited this weekend seemed to be. 

Apparently, skating rinks are THE hangout for junior high kids.  I may be wrong, but I don't think I would have ever been just dropped off at night somewhere without adult supervision at that age.  So, parents and those of you who one day plan to be parents I have a message for you.  I know kids today have more freedom and may seem older than those of us raised in say, the '80s.  They all have their own cell phones and therefore, can be easily reached at anytime.  But they still need to monitored.  Some of you will be relieved to know that most of the children were skating and hanging out with their friends, but I did see several couples sitting in dark corners.  Basically, this was like a club for pre-teens, where dancing is replaced with skating and alcohol with caffeinated beverages.  It was an interesting night to say the least.

It was actually a lot of fun and I even found $5 on the floor.  I was pretty sure it was covered in germs, but I picked it up anyway.  I sanitized it later. 

There were about 3 guys there who were skate dancing (please excuse the highly technical term).  They were really good.  Let's just say that they could dance better on skates that I can at all.  That's not saying much for their talent, but you get the picture.  I'm not sure how they could move like that.  I know I couldn't.  Of course, I felt my night was a success because I made it through without falling.    People who got too close to me made  me nervous.  Now, I can skate, but I can't stop.  So, please don't cut over in front of me.  This results in my hands making a fanning motion to hurry along potential threats.  I did have one run in with a small child.  Fortunately, he was light enough that I could keep him from falling without being pulled down myself.   

Sidewalk Etiquette

Sidewalk etiquette.  Is there such a thing?
Each morning when I get to work I must make a short walk from the parking lot to the entrance of my office building.  I would say that I am a moderately fast walker.  So, when I get stuck walking behind someone who, to me, is moving rather slowly, it can get aggravating.  At this time, I am faced with the question, "Is it wrong to pass someone on the sidewalk?" 

Now, I realize this may seem like a stupid question, but something about passing someone who is headed to the same place I am on a sidewalk big enough for only two seems rude.  Sometimes you might even have to step down off of the sidewalk onto the road to pass slower moving traffic.  This also seems awkward.  I realize that this is a petty thing to worry about, but I'd at least like to know that there are other people who think about things like this.

Of course, some people (one co-worker in particular) might tell you that I let things bother me too much.  For example, when going out for lunch with a co-worker I feel the need to ask everyone in the department if they would like to go as well.  It just seems like the polite thing to do.  Now, this results in the dilemma of those who would not like to go, but do want lunch brought back to them.  This is not necessarily a problem, but placing multiple orders, which then must be paid for separately, and catering to special requests (extra ice, light on the ice, etc.) can become semi-stressful.

Maybe one day I will be able to carelessly and quickly pass others on my way into work and run out to lunch without feeling obligated to ask if anyone else would like something, but until them then I will continue to contemplate the complexities of sidewalk etiquette and proper lunch practices. 

Creative Writing

Please see below for an informative email on the health benefits of some cookies I brought to work a couple of weeks ago:

I have cookies in my cube. For those of you who like specifics, they are Toffee Crunch Cookies.

For those of you who are health conscious, I have listed some health information below:

-These contain oatmeal. Oatmeal is made from oats. Oats are good source of both soluble and insoluble fiber.

-These contain milk chocolate chips. The health benefits of milk include good bone health, smooth skin, strong immune system, prevention of illnesses such as hypertension, dental decay, dehydration, respiratory problems, obesity, osteoporosis and even some forms of cancer.

-Also, chocolate is made from cacao beans. Beans are vegetables. Therefore chocolate = vegetable.

-Sugar is made from the sugar cane. Sugar cane grows from the ground. Sugar = vegetable.

I could go on, but I won’t. I’m sure after reading this information the only question you can think of is “Why WOULDN’T I eat a cookie?”

Jessica

A Conversation Between Friends

A Birthday Surprise

What exactly should one do when they want to wish a fellow employee a happy birthday but they have limited supplies?

Well, first they decide to make their own confetti.  Only, there is no colored paper to be found.  So, they make their own with white copy paper and their arsenal of highlighters.  Then, they cut the newly colored paper up into small square and rectangles, which they then place in an inter-office envelope. 

 

I'm sure you're impressed, but, wait, there's more.  Add a birthday message cut apart by letter for the receiver to unscramble and step-by-step instructions.  Voila!  Birthday surprise perfection!



UPDATE:  The birthday surprise went over well.  We were even sent a visual confirmation of its receipt.